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On the Web xv Acknowledgments xix Introduction: Getting the Most from This Resource 1 PART ONE Using Emotional Intelligence to Create Real Change 7 CHAPTER 1 The Case for Emotional Intelligence 9 CHAPTER 2 How Everyone Can Use the Exercises: Cross–Reference Matrix 17 PART TWO Exploring Emotional Intelligence and Well–Being Skills 35 1 Self–Regard 37 2 Self–Actualization 41 3 Emotional Self–Awareness 47 4 Emotional Expression 53 5 Assertiveness 57 6 Independence 63 7 Interpersonal Relationships 67 8 Empathy 71 9 Social Responsibility 77 10 Problem Solving 83 11 Reality Testing 87 12 Impulse Control 91 13 Flexibility 95 14 Stress Tolerance 101 15 Optimism 107 16 Happiness/Well–Being 113 PART THREE Emotional Intelligence Exercises to Build Effective Skills 117 1 Self–Regard EXERCISE 1.1 Lighten Up with Self–Compassion 121 EXERCISE 1.2 Of Thine Own Self Be Aware 125 EXERCISE 1.3 Reconciliation 129 EXERCISE 1.4 Toot Your Horn and Scratch Your Back 135 2 Self–Actualization EXERCISE 2.1 Leverage Your Time with a 2% Solution 139 EXERCISE 2.2 The Scavenger Hunt 145 EXERCISE 2.3 Becoming All That You Can Be 155 EXERCISE 2.4 Applying Inspiration 163 3 Emotional Self–Awareness EXERCISE 3.1 Expanding Your Uncommon Awareness 171 EXERCISE 3.2 Are You in Touch? 175 EXERCISE 3.3 It Just Bubbles Up 181 EXERCISE 3.4 Moving Toward and Moving Away 187 4 Emotional Expression EXERCISE 4.1 Expressing Resistance 195 EXERCISE 4.2 Say It Nonverbally! 199 EXERCISE 4.3 Tell a Story 203 EXERCISE 4.4 Expressing Emotions in Social Media 207 5 Assertiveness EXERCISE 5.1 Developing Appropriate Assertiveness Within Your Team 211 EXERCISE 5.2 Ramp It Up 217 EXERCISE 5.3 Dial It Back 223 EXERCISE 5.4 Getting Your Point Across 227 6 Independence EXERCISE 6.1 Virtual Decision Making 231 EXERCISE 6.2 Cut the Apron Strings 237 EXERCISE 6.3 Solitary Effort 241 EXERCISE 6.4 Going Along with the Group???Or Not 245 7 Interpersonal Relationships EXERCISE 7.1 Investment in Friends 249 EXERCISE 7.2 You've Got Good News 253 EXERCISE 7.3 Making New Friends 259 EXERCISE 7.4 Fun and Meaningful Relationships 265 8 Empathy EXERCISE 8.1 Recipe for Infl uence: Curiosity and Compassion 269 EXERCISE 8.2 Connect Feeling with Meaning 273 EXERCISE 8.3 Mixed Emotions 277 EXERCISE 8.4 Do as the Empathic Do 285 9 Social Responsibility EXERCISE 9.1 Focus on Something Bigger Than Yourself 289 EXERCISE 9.2 Refl ect the Best 293 EXERCISE 9.3 Who Do I Work for? 299 EXERCISE 9.4 The Value of Volunteering 305 10 Problem Solving EXERCISE 10.1 When Problems Become Confl icts 309 EXERCISE 10.2 Emotions Affect Decision Making 317 EXERCISE 10.3 Using the MasterSolve Modelfor Teams 323 EXERCISE 10.4 Win–Win Negotiating 331 EXERCISE 10.5 Let's Cover Our Bases 335 11 Reality Testing EXERCISE 11.1 Political Savvy 341 EXERCISE 11.2 Feel, Hear, See???Is It Reality? 345 EXERCISE 11.3 Visit Their Reality 349 EXERCISE 11.4 Using All Three of Your Minds 355 12 Impulse Control EXERCISE 12.1 Putting on the Brakes 361 EXERCISE 12.2 To Impulse or Not to Impulse 365 EXERCISE 12.3 The Urge to Splurge 377 EXERCISE 12.4 Hot Buttons 383 13 Flexibility EXERCISE 13.1 The Highly Flexible Team 387 EXERCISE 13.2 No More Shutdowns 391 EXERCISE 13.3 Yes, No, Maybe So 397 EXERCISE 13.4 Flex Time 401 14 Stress Tolerance EXERCISE 14.1 The EZ Stress Buster 405 EXERCISE 14.2 'Cause You've Got Personality 411 EXERCISE 14.3 Water Off a Duck???s Back 421 EXERCISE 14.4 Deep Center Breathing 425 15 Optimism EXERCISE 15.1 Optimistic Self–Talk and Behavior 431 EXERCISE 15.2 Be Solution–Focused 437 EXERCISE 15.3 See a Positive Resolution 441 EXERCISE 15.4 The Optimistic Explanation 445 16 Happiness/Well–Being EXERCISE 16.1 Beyond Personal Silos 453 EXERCISE 16.2 Growing My Happiness 459 EXERCISE 16.3 Pay It Forward with Gratitude 463 EXERCISE 16.4 Attitude of Gratitude 467 Resources 471 References 473 About the Authors 477 Index 479